Professor Maurice duMontage, noted authority, on the films of the Langley Punks, their cinema as art, their art as film, and their film as cinema. Coming June 10 to the AFI Silver Theatre.

The big news pushing Egypt off the front page is that Arnold Schwarzenegger is returning to acting. This is great for Hollywood and the world. It’s no coincidence that the years the Governator spent in office also saw the United States’ standing in the world plummet. But now the once-and-future King of Action Movies is back and looking for scripts. Fortunately, I have plenty on hand.

Roll the video and I’ll explain how Arnold and I can save the world. Again…

I saw 38 films in theaters in 2010, the same as in 2009. Here’s the venue stats: Regal Majestic (10), Landmark (9), AFI Silver (7), Bow Tie (Richmond) (4), West End (2), and one each at the Avalon, Mazza Gallerie, Royal Montgomery, Potomac Yard, Georgetown, and Ballston. I feel bad, and am surprised, that I only saw one movie at the Avalon last year. I’m a member, happily so. The Avalon has long been one of my favorites. It’s where most of Woody Allen’s (funny) movies premiered. Resolution for 2011: See more movies at the Avalon. (And please join!)

This year saw the appearance of a new movie outlet, the West End Cinema. Well, sorta new. It’s a fresh venue in a tired old location. When it was the Circle West End 5-7 in the ’70s and ’80s, I purposefully avoided the place. I loved the original West End, which offered a real moviegoing experience. (Saw Repo Man there. Also, John Cusack riding up to the box office on a bicycle.) But the 5-7 was in the basement of an office building and had all the charms that implies. And, though the new West End still has the same tiny theaters and tinier screens (see image above), the new owners are making interesting programming choices that mitigate the less-than-Cinerama experience. And they’re cleverly taking advantage of modern technology. Before a screening of the hysterical and disturbing Four Lions, they played a video that the director made specifically for this screening — and e-mailed to the theater. I think more films should start this way.

NOTE: For whatever reason, these annual lists of movies are big-time spam bait. I guess the bots are programmed to seek out big pop culture totems like Iron Man or Avatar. (Oops — now I’m just adding to the problem!) Well, so be it. Here’s the list:

REGAL MAJESTIC:

• Avatar 3-D (for the second time. Enjoyed it even more)
• Dinner For Schmucks
• Due Date
• Iron Man 2
• Nowhere Boy
• Red
• Salt
• The Expendables
• The Tourist
• The Town

AFI SILVER:

• 48 Hour Film Project (four shows)
• Greenberg (The most disappointing experience of the year. The trailer sucked me in. The movie just sucked.)
• Heavy Metal Picnic
• Music Lesson
• Of Flesh & Blood
• Robert Drew Event: Primary, Crisis: Behind a Presidential Commitment, The Faces of November

LANDMARK BETHESDA ROW:

• Catfish
• Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky
• Crazy Heart
• Get Low
• Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
• Please Give
• Today’s Special

LANDMARK E STREET CINEMA:

• Hugh Hefner: Playboy, Activist and Rebel
• The Art of the Steal

WEST END CINEMA:

• Kings of Pastry
• Four Lions

AVALON:

• The Social Network

POTOMAC YARD:

• Hot Tub Time Machine

MONTGOMERY ROYAL:

• Sherlock Holmes

UNITED ARTISTS GEORGETOWN:

• Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (I was accompanying some youngsters. And their parents.)

BALLSTON:

• Get Him to the Greek

MAZZA GALLERIE:

• How Do You Know?

WESTHAMPTON (Richmond)

• The King’s Speech

BOWTIE CINEMA (Richmond)

• Avatar 3-D
• Alice in Wonderland 3-D
• Clash of the Titans 3-D
• True Grit

COLOR ME REDBOX

There are many films that I wanted to see, planned to see, but just didn’t make it to the theater to see. So, this year, I also began Redboxing movies.

I was never much on movie rentals, going back to the VHS days. Though I did have an Erols membership — and later a blue Blockbuster card after it bought Erols — and also a membership with Hollywood Video, which closed its store up the street. Mostly, I would buy previously-viewed movies from these stores. My philosophy has always been to see a film in the theater first. (See this smart NPR.org piece about the importance of watching films in a proper environment). But Redbox marries convenience and price, the only real factors anybody cares about. (Forget all this high-minded talk about innovation, the driving force behind all progress is human beings’ fundamental desire for cheap and easy, at whatever cost.) So, a buck a movie, right there at the grocery store checkout or in front of the 7-Eleven? And I can return the disc to any location? Done and done. And so I did (note the four Oscar-nominated films on the list; I’m also glad to find the odd independent feature in the machine as well):

RED BOX:

• Book of Eli
• City Island
• Date Night
• Death At a Funeral
• Defendor
• Inception
• Knight & Day
• Restrepo
• The Extra Man
• The Kids Are Alright
• The Other Guys
• Winter’s Bone

BLOCKBUSTER:

• OSS 117: Lost in Rio

But I did venture into Blockbuster on occasion, where I was surprised to find OSS 117: Lost in Rio, the brilliant sequel to the equally brilliant French James Bond farce OSS 117: Cairo–Nest of Spies. As my friend the photographer and philosopher Bill O’Leary sagely noted, the only proper way to make a Bond film these days is as a period piece. The 007 world no longer exists. Which is exactly what the OSS 117 filmmakers did: they created 1967 in glorious detail and then threw creme pies all over it in the form of Jean Dujardin’s pitch-perfect performance as the Double-O manque.

In all my filmgoing, there is one film I missed, though I feel like I saw it: Tiny Furniture. I admit to being curious, but then director/writer/star Lena Dunham began appearing everywhere — all over the Internet, in magazines and newspapers, on nearly every podcast I listen to, in everyone’s Twitter feeds. And she just annoyed the hell out of me. And I’m not entirely sure why. Jealousy? Sure, a bit. But she just seems so perfectly perfect, like she’s the straight-A student at Indie Darling University, this manufactured ideal of the bright, young film auteur. And she talks a mile a minute, both articulately and with just enough wry self-deprecation and humble acknowledgment of her good fortune that I want to scream. Again, it’s me, not her. But partly her.

Ah, maybe I’ll catch her film at the Red Box.

As the Internet continues destroying once-thriving industries, it helpfully creates tiny new ones, such as the make-your-own animation site xtranormal.com. This web utility proclaims, in imploring uppercase, “IF YOU CAN TYPE, YOU CAN MAKE MOVIES.”

While a glance at the multiplex listings suggests this is in fact true, what xtranormal actually offers is more akin to the old song-poem business, whose tiny ads in the back of tawdry magazines enticed amateur poets to turn their writings into amateur-sounding music.

Presenting Hanna-Barbera-style limited animation, xtranormal users may choose a variety of stock characters and backgrounds to create their movies. While not yet embraced at Facebook levels, enough savvy users have taken to xtranormal to create a noticeable trend. Call it the Versus Meme. The Versus Meme pits an expert against an idiot debating some modern concern. In itself, this matchup is pretty much always comedy gold. Computer-generated voices add a satisfying layer of off-kilter post-modern wackness.

Joining this Net fad is simple. First, type out your rant: “I hate X because Y,” “This new thing is stupid because…” Whatever pisses you off at the moment. Shouldn’t be difficult.

Now boil down the opposing viewpoint to it’s most minimal absurdity. Alternate these sentences, pro and con, paste them into the template and click Publish. You are on your way to viral celebrity.

Here are some of the better Versus videos. Some are answer-videos and some answer-videos are by the same creator. And yes, these are basically the same joke. But one of them can be YOUR joke.

• iPhone4 vs. HTC Evo
• HTC EVO vs. iPhone4
• iPhone4 vs. HTC Evo Part 2
• Stand Up Comedy is NOT Pretty
• How to Get Booked at a Comedy Club
• Cinematographer vs. Producer
• Production House and Client Relationship
• The Pitch (Hat tip to screenwriter John August.)
• Sales Manager vs. Sales Rep
• Sales Manager vs. Sales Rep

(Note to creators: Make sure to assign the characters different voices.)
• Band vs. Promoter
• Band vs Promoter (real story)
• Graphic Designer vs. Account Manager (Sales Rep)
• Graphic Designer vs. Client
• Web Designer vs. Cheap Client
• Design vs. Marketing
• Design vs. Marketing - Logo
• Designer Versus Client
• Agency Meets Client
• Editor vs. Photographer
• Audio Engineer vs. Client
• Touring Sound Engineer vs. In-house Sound Engineer
• Guitar Tech vs. Local Crew
• Local Crew Chief vs. Touring Production Manager
• Support Band vs. Lighting Guy
• Lighting Guy vs. Sound Guy
• Sound Guy vs. Symphony Musician
• Old Retired Roadie vs. Roadie
• Sound Roadie vs. Groupie

(Don’t worry about being too inside-baseball.) (These are not about baseball.)
• HDSLRs are NOT professional!
• Canon 5D Mark III Rumor Parody

(Or extremely inside-baseball):
• Alexa Vs Red Epic

(When in doubt, just swear:)
• Mac vs PC Xtranormal Style

(I originally wrote this as a submission to the fab new comedy/entertainment blog Splitsider, but as soon as I hit “send,” the Comic’s Comic blog posted a similar piece (“Two makers of xtranormal comedy insider videos talk about their creations”). So I’m posting my version here. You’re welcome.)

In a new feature, I reveal the entire plot to the summer blockbuster The Expendables. And yet, I reveal nothing. Bravo, Mr. Stallone!

So the mystery of “That Thing You Do” continues. As I posted previously, the title song from Tom Hanks’ fabulous film That Thing You Do seems to be in heavy rotation on grocery store Muzak stations. While the fictitious Top 40 hit never cracked the actual Top 10 — a damning indictment of the music industry and popular taste — it is inescapable in the produce aisle.

Last week the tune was heard in a Kroger store in Richmond. You have to listen verrrry closely to this recording to catch it. Kroger’s ceilings are much higher than Giant’s, and the place was much noisier. Even so, the magic hook is unmistakable.

I have an e-mail in to TTYD singer Mike Viola and a tweet to Mr. Hanks seeking comment. Stay tuned…

I went to the movie theater 38 times in 2009, down 10 flicks over 2008. Not a terrific showing on my part, but ‘09 was a pretty lousy year all around, so there you go.

Again, most of my time was spent at the Regal Majestic (15), with Landmark’s Bethesda Row (9) ousting last year’s sentimental favorite AFI Silver (5) for second place. Even though I only saw three films at the Avalon, I continue to renew my membership, and urge you to do so as well. The theater’s new cafe adds some actual decent food to the beer and wine offerings.

I saw one film at AMC Mazza Gallerie, a theater I like, and one at the grandly named Kentlands Stadium 10 Theater and Drafthouse, a place I was not overly impressed by.

As I spend a certain amount of time in lovely Richmond, I found myself inside some of its theaters. These included the Westhampton, a delightful 1930s neighborhood cinema-turned-art house, the wretched uglyplex UA West Tower 10 (where the ceiling almost fell on my head), and a plucky newcomer, Bowtie Cinemas’ Movieland at Boulevard Square. Movieland was built in a former train factory and features a trendy beer and wine cafe — but you can’t take drinks into the theater, so what’s the point? Sadly, I didn’t get to the Byrd this year, but hope to in the next 365.

Landmark’s E Street Cinema continued to entice, but with mere one-week runs, too many movies were gone before I could get my act together. So I rented World’s Greatest Dad from a Red Box at Giant Food (not a great cinematic experience, but the flick delivered), and I’m still looking forward to Big Fan.

The year in movies ended with some good news, perhaps. The quickly-shuttered Montgomery Drafthouse has re-opened as the Montgomery Royal (pictured, above). There are no plans to continue the live comedy shows, but the cheerful fellow in the ticket booth said they hope to be around for five years (”at least”). I wish ‘em luck. (Commenters on this blog aren’t too excited.) I caught the ridiculous-yet-entertaining Sherlock Holmes there on New Year’s Day, and am glad for more moviegoing options in 2010.

Here’s the list:

• 48 Hour Film Project
• A Serious Man
• Bandslam
• The Barry Richards TV Collection (I sent the producer some audio recordings of the Boss With the Hot Sauce. He didn’t use ‘em.)
• The Box (Cameron Diaz thinks Richmond, Va., is in Alabama)
• Bright Star
• The Brothers Bloom
• Coco Before Chanel
• Duplicity
• Every Little Step
• Extract
• Funny People
• Gentlemen Broncos
• The Goods
• The Great Buck Howard
• The Hangover
• In the Loop
• The Informant
• It Might Get Loud
• It’s Complicated (Note to Nancy Meyers: There is a world beyond Beverly Hills. And that world doesn’t care about Beverly Hills.)
• Julie & Julia
• Land of the Lost
• Management
• The Men Who Stare At Goats
• Paul Blart, Mall Cop
• Pirate Radio
• The Proposal
• Public Enemies
• Soul Power
• Sunshine Cleaning
• Taking Woodstock (Hey — I had a shirt just like that!)
• Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
• Up
• Up in the Air
• Young Victoria
• Zombieland
• Two mystery movies — tickets with no info, and my memory fails…

BEST PICTURE

There are many candidates for Best Picture of the Year, Any movie with “Up” in the title, all the other quality pics I missed. But really there is no question. The greatest movie of 2009 was Gentlemen Broncos. That adults actually put this thing together is both astonishing and inspiring. Featuring not a single attractive person (by Hollywood standards), this inexplicable tale from the people who brought us Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre gives us hope that insane filmmaking did not die with Ed Wood. And, unlike Ed, Jared Hess actually has talent. Bravo!

If you missed it — and it only played for a week, to pitiful attendance — do click the above link and visit the official site. Then click here for a taste the genius of Ronald Chevalier, the world’s greatest author.

Honorable Mention must go to Paul Blart: Mall Cop for Best Use of a Segway. (Kevin James is truly the Fred Astair of Personal Transportation. I honestly hope there is a sequel.) And to Ed Helms for Best Performance Without a Tooth in The Hangover. If only Dame Judi Dench or Harrison Ford could be so selfless.

Caught D.C.’s Wammiest western-and-country act, Ruthie and the Wranglers at Iota on Saturday (with the U-Liners) and shot this charming bit of holiday whimsey with my trusty Canon PowerShot A590. The club’s regular stage lights make it seem extra-festive, don’t you think?

From left-to-right in the video are Andy Rutherford (guitar), Robbie Magruder (drums), Ruthie, Greg Hardin (bass), and Bill Starks (keyboards).

It was a tight show all around. Somehow, I’d missed the fact that Andy replaced longtime Wrangler guitar-wrangler Phil Mathieu. Phil’s face was still on the band’s business cards available at the door, but Andy’s picture is on the Web site, so it must be official. I’m going to assume the split was amicable. At least until I make a phone call and get all the juicy dirt.

Oh, D.C. music scene—you fickle beast!

Tom Hanks‘ wonderful and woefully overlooked film That Thing You Do is one of my all-time favorites. Bought the VHS. Bought the DVD. Then bought the director’s-cut DVD. (Don’t talk to me about Blu-Ray.)

One of the great charms of the film is the soundtrack, which manages to evoke the bygone Top-40 era and be legitimately catchy at the same time. Especially the title tune, written by the great Adam Schlesinger of the also woefully overlooked Fountains of Wayne. Not surprisingly, the tune was nominated for an Oscar. Very surprisingly, it did not win. Tragically, it lost to Madonna.

Though the song sounds like it would have been a big radio hit in the early ’60s, it was not a hit, then or now. There was a bit of airplay, but mostly by winking DJs being cute. Merseybeat-inspired melodies were not in favor with radio programmers in the late-’90s.

So, what was the tune doing in the Muzak rotation at the Giant Food off Flower Ave. in Silver Spring last week? It certainly made my shopping experience brighter, but what’s next — Lord of the Rings overture at the salad bar?

Listen closely to Mike Viola and the rest of the studio Wonders rocking that thing they did from the ceiling speakers near the meat section:

One might not expect any connection between the coarsely hysterical comedy The Hangover — currently No. 1 at the box-office — and documentaries. But in fact Hangover director Todd Phillips began in the doc world, first with the 1994 G.G. Allin film Hated, then with Frat House.

Here he talks with critic Elvis Mitchell on the KCRW show The Treatment about how making documentaries “is like living life on fast-forward,” his love of the Maysles brothers, and how Maysles and Wiseman-style “fly-on-the-wall” filmmaking “went out the window” in the modern era after people were conditioned by reality and entertainment news shows to “fear the camera.”

I also suggest you subscribe to The Treatment podcast, as Mitchell is terrific at getting great interviews from a wide range of people in the arts. And if you wish to contribute to KCRW, go here. (If you want to contribute to me, go here. Thank you.)

Todd Phillips on documentaries (3:29)