Slate’s Jack Shafer has posted his Twitter Philosophy, who he follows and why. One person Jack does not follow anymore is me. The Twitter-crime that earned me the swift slap of Shafer’s delete key? I had somehow linked my Youtube and Twitter accounts and the automated tweets annoyed him:

@jackshafer: You’re sending out multiple messages abt who you’ve subscribed to. I’m unsubscribing you.

I don’t think my “live-tweeting” the Alamo (hashtag: #alamo) in February and March helped my case with Jack, either. But it did get me several Texas followers.

Jack’s attempts to maintain a pure and functional Twitlist are admirable, but doomed. And also a nice bit of old-media thinking. Having labored for Jack at Washington City Paper, I’ve witnessed the force of his ironclad desire to impose order on an unruly world, damn the excuses. Though the bellowing man could make reporters and writers cower, the Twitterverse is deaf to the likes of Jack Shafer.

And that is its charm. It’s the happenstance, the random re-tweeting of stuff you didn’t know you were interested in, the six-degrees-of-tweeting that makes Twitter such an entertaining time-waster. Which is what Jack misses with his authoritarian attempts at tweet organization. But Jack is not one for entertainment or time-wasting. I, on the other hand, greatly enjoy both pastimes and so here is my Twitter Philosophy.

I came to Twitter for laughs, following funny people. “OMG! John Cleese is on Twitter!” But most professional comics use Twitter as annoyingly as carnival barkers: “Come to my show in Seattle!” Even Cleese handed much of the tweet duties to an assistant before disappearing for months.

But where the comic pros failed, the scalawags are succeeding. Accounts for imaginary people and things are a rising trend and hold up a fun-house mirror to the culture. Most notably, the fake BP Oil PR account offered real-time laughs to counter a real-time outrage. As soon as that snake escaped his cage at the Bronx Zoo, Bronx Zoo’s Cobra was on the case with the play-by-play.

Many dead people have been reanimated on Twitter. (And here a special shout-out to TweetsofOld, which, while not a fake person, puts all modern news gathering in perspective by merely typing up what passed for news 100 years ago.)

So of late I have taken a perverse delight in following fakes—including more than the full cast of Mad Men. Of course there is Don Draper, but also “Good Don Draper,” “Elderly Don Draper,” “Mister Draper,” “Bizzaro Don Draper”, and Don Draper’s Liver. Not to mention various Betty Drapers, Joan Holloways, Peggy Olsons, on down the cast list. Each and every major and minor player on the show has at least one account dedicated to he/she/it, including the Sterling Cooper building’s elevator operator, the janitor, the vending machine, the fainting couch that Betty Draper purchased in one episode, and a mouse that appeared in one scene.

Most of these accounts are idle, which is a good thing. The joke began and ended with its creation. However, Old Don Draper and Don Draper’s Liver are pretty good, operated by people who understand the show, the character, and the gag.

My triumphant tweet announcing I was now following minor MM character Ted Cheough brought a swift rebuke from the man, or bot, him/itself: “Fake? Wow.” Perhaps the account belongs to Kevin Rahm, the real actor who plays the adman. Don’t know. Don’t care. It’s Twitter.

Similarly, my allegiance to Coca-Cola brought a quick reply and follow from the soft drink’s inventor Doc Pemberton, dead these last 123 years. Good to have him back.

(BREAKING: Just this moment, I was notified that Anna Draper’s Ghost is now following me. Yes!)

To eavesdrop on these imaginary people (and things) conversing with each other on Twitter is fun, generally funny. Ghosts of dead characters happily chatting, often in character, with other “ghosts” and “live” characters are in some way a new twist on fan fiction. So far, this Twitter version is much more satisfying than wading into the sludge that makes up so much of fanfic. (Yeesh!) Credit the 140 character limit.

“Whenever TweetDeck overflows with messages, I go through and unfollow a dozen people,” writes Jack, and I can hear the glee in his voice. His happy dismissal of “hashtag half-wits” is not surprising to anyone who had their copy slashed (for the better, usually) by editor Shafer. But I fear that the finger that Jack has so eagerly poised above the delete key is in for a bad case of carpel tunnel syndrome, because Twitter moves too fast—as fast as an escaping cobra.

Was honored to cover the Wammie Awards for the second year in a row. And, as with the 2009 event, there is a video!

Greg Berger put this piece together. The legendary Cerphe properly replaced my voice-over (but still said my words).

A parody of the “slice-of-death” style IBM ads that were popular briefly in 1988. Now it’s of interest only for the look at ancient computer technology. Though also of interest is that it was shot on 16mm film by future Oscar-winner Wally Pfister. (IMDB him, he’s awesome.) Also, what do you do with a 1:30 commercial parody in 1988? No Youtube, certainly. We may have sent a VHS tape to Saturday Night Live. This transfer is from a VHS tape—Wally’s cinematography looks much better in the original.

My piece on the Fabulous Hubcaps takes over most of the front page of the Washington Post Style section today. The assignment called for 1,200 words. I wound up with nearly 13,000 transcribed words. So I think I undersold the piece. Coulda been a magazine feature, ’cause there was sooo much fascinating, fun, and relevant info that did not make the cut. I will say that I’m glad to be able to use the serial comma again. Also, when will publications stop putting a K in the abbreviation of microphone? It’s mic, not mike. Mike is a person.

But these are personal peeves and not aimed at any of the fine staffers and friends at the Post. Go, newspapers!

Laughing Baby was just as surprised as I was over news that Prince hates people covering his songs. Further, the Purple One wants to make the practice illegal. Despite his longstanding habit of covering other people’s songs in concert.

Professor Maurice duMontage, noted authority, on the films of the Langley Punks, their cinema as art, their art as film, and their film as cinema. Coming June 10 to the AFI Silver Theatre.

In 1992, I shot this piece commemorating the recent passing of William M. Gaines, the famed publisher of Mad magazine, among other accomplishments. (Do read David Hajdu’s wonderful The Ten-Cent Plague: The Great Comic-Book Scare and How It Changed America for more about Mr. Gaines.)

It being both an election year and Washington, D.C., many of the people interviewed invoked the name of then-presidential candidate Ross Perot, whose supposed resemblance to Alfred E. Neuman was the current jest du jour.

Somewhere a cleaner copy of this exists on Hi-8 tape, but until that appears this crummy VHS dub must suffice. Enjoy.

Laughing Baby is just as surprised as I was over recent developments. Here’s the original story.

Stopped by the Quarry House last week, where JP McDermott and Western Bop were holding forth with the weekly rockabilly shenanigans. Had my trusty Zoom Q3HD with me and captured part of the fist set. Sadly, I had to leave before power-pop sensation The Spectacles hit the stage.

Western Bop is J.P. McDermott on vocals and rhythm guitar, Bill Williams on lead guitar, Louie Newmyer on upright bass, and Tom Bowes on drums. Like them on Facebook, won’t you?

Now, on with the show:

“Go Cat Go”

The Carl Perkins classic, “Honey Don’t”

The Western Bop original, “Lucky Star”

Buddy Holly’s “Maybe Baby”

Hank’s “Your Cheatin’ Heart”

The big news pushing Egypt off the front page is that Arnold Schwarzenegger is returning to acting. This is great for Hollywood and the world. It’s no coincidence that the years the Governator spent in office also saw the United States’ standing in the world plummet. But now the once-and-future King of Action Movies is back and looking for scripts. Fortunately, I have plenty on hand.

Roll the video and I’ll explain how Arnold and I can save the world. Again…